Random Expressions

This place seriously needs an update!

😛

 
This place seriously needs an update!

😛

 

Jaane Hoga Kya – Now I wasnt expecting anything great from this long-in-the-making-released-hurriedly film. So, page what turned out was a pleasant surprise. And not because of its content. But for the inadvertant humor that the film provides. Ok, there so what’s it about? Cloning! Don’t choke on that coke, it is actually a film on human cloning. And how the directors (Glenn-Ankush) portray it is the best comedy released this year. As per this film, to make a clone there has to be two plastic covered ‘capsules’, connected to a computer. So, ‘data’ will move from one capsule to another, as heat rises, and out of steam a new human will be formed! Wow! That simple!

That’s how Aftab creates his own clone. But that’s not all. As soon as the new Aftab is formed, he leaves the capsule and *laugh laugh* heads for a dance bar to sing an item number with Maria Goretti. Some Bollywood pre-educated clone this was indeed! In fact, going by the number of songs that the clone gets to sing, he seems quite the ‘in-thing’! And other than the item number, this includes one roll-in-the-hay number with Preeti Jhangiani (who seems to have lost her voice and inhibitions permanently in this film).

Of course, the clone is not all that ‘good’, like the scientist. In fact, he turns out to be some ‘super-power’ monster with immense powers. Frankenstein, did some one say? Well, the scientist’s haalat is quite like that, but then the hero has to win in the end in movies!

Oh yes, in between all the songs and evil, there was a nice little twist in the end.

Overall – Watch it to laugh at it!

Aap Ki Khatir – Honestly, can some one tell Dharmesh Darshan to retire and spare us his tortures! Can someone tell Amisha Patel that making melancholic expressions doesnt construe acting! Can someone tell Sunil Shetty that joi-de-vivre is an inborn feeling; faking it never works! Can someone tell Lillette Dubey that she looked horrendous in this film spouting Anglicised Punjabi! Can someone tell…ok, I am sure you got what I want to convey.

This pain-some movie is old wine in older bottle. A soggy script with limp characters and a bland-as-London-weather scenario only worsens the viewer’s discomfort. In fact, the film ends up looking like a shoddy UK-produced small-budget fare.

I am quite surprised that Akshaye Khanna chose to do this film, which couldnt have looked attractive at script level even!

Overall – Dont even think of it!

Naksha – Beware of Vivek Oberoi in the jungle! He bored us first in Kaal, and now returns for another jungle-mein-mangle! Naksha is a directionless film that has no head nor tail nor any body in between!

Sadly, the concept is good. And one feels like screaming at the director for wasting an opportunity that could have been turned into a Dan Brown like slick thriller.

The story – We all know that in Mahabharat, Karan was born with the magical ‘kawach‘ and ‘kundal’ that gave him immense strength. The mythology tells us that during the Kuruskshetra war, Lord Indra (disguised as a brahman) had asked for the ‘kawach’ and ‘kundal’ as alms. This was done at the behest of Lord Krishna, in order to defeat Karan. After this, the epic is silent on the ‘kawach’ and ‘kundal’. What if Lord Indra buried these powerful object somewhere in the Himalayas? Well, the film is built on this premise wherein one archeologist is able to find the same, and prepares a map to reach the place. However, one evil person (Jackie in a horrible get up) gets to know of the same, and wants them as well. The archeologist prefers to suicide rather than give the map to Jackie.

Years later, the archeologist’s son (Vivek) learns of the map, and proceeds to get those objects, with Jackie again close on his heels. To help Vivek, there is his elder step-brother, Sunny Deol.

The story simply meanders precious reels in the jungle. And if the repartees between Sunny and Vivek were ‘comedy’ well, then the director needs to seriously watch some Hrishida films!

Our Bollywood heroes never know when to call it quits. But I had thought Sunny would have learnt from his father (Dharamendra acted in the most third-rate films in the eighties, romancing heroines like Amrita Singh and Dimple Kapadia, who were half his age. In fact, Dimple was having a allegedly having an affair with Sunny when Dharam acted opposite her!) Anyways, Sunny should take caution and remember that such inane roles dont suit his stature. I am sure there will be many writers/directors ready to provide him dignified roles that are commensurate with his age.

As for Sameera Reddy, well her role is the most wishy-washy and redundant. Perhaps, the director realised it, that’s why in the climax, she is just dropped off somewhere and forgotten as well. BTW, if Sameera’s acting career never takes off, she can try for WWE!

Overall – Go tickle your masochist streak and watch it!

This place seriously needs an update!

😛

 

Jaane Hoga Kya – Now I wasnt expecting anything great from this long-in-the-making-released-hurriedly film. So, page what turned out was a pleasant surprise. And not because of its content. But for the inadvertant humor that the film provides. Ok, there so what’s it about? Cloning! Don’t choke on that coke, it is actually a film on human cloning. And how the directors (Glenn-Ankush) portray it is the best comedy released this year. As per this film, to make a clone there has to be two plastic covered ‘capsules’, connected to a computer. So, ‘data’ will move from one capsule to another, as heat rises, and out of steam a new human will be formed! Wow! That simple!

That’s how Aftab creates his own clone. But that’s not all. As soon as the new Aftab is formed, he leaves the capsule and *laugh laugh* heads for a dance bar to sing an item number with Maria Goretti. Some Bollywood pre-educated clone this was indeed! In fact, going by the number of songs that the clone gets to sing, he seems quite the ‘in-thing’! And other than the item number, this includes one roll-in-the-hay number with Preeti Jhangiani (who seems to have lost her voice and inhibitions permanently in this film).

Of course, the clone is not all that ‘good’, like the scientist. In fact, he turns out to be some ‘super-power’ monster with immense powers. Frankenstein, did some one say? Well, the scientist’s haalat is quite like that, but then the hero has to win in the end in movies!

Oh yes, in between all the songs and evil, there was a nice little twist in the end.

Overall – Watch it to laugh at it!

Aap Ki Khatir – Honestly, can some one tell Dharmesh Darshan to retire and spare us his tortures! Can someone tell Amisha Patel that making melancholic expressions doesnt construe acting! Can someone tell Sunil Shetty that joi-de-vivre is an inborn feeling; faking it never works! Can someone tell Lillette Dubey that she looked horrendous in this film spouting Anglicised Punjabi! Can someone tell…ok, I am sure you got what I want to convey.

This pain-some movie is old wine in older bottle. A soggy script with limp characters and a bland-as-London-weather scenario only worsens the viewer’s discomfort. In fact, the film ends up looking like a shoddy UK-produced small-budget fare.

I am quite surprised that Akshaye Khanna chose to do this film, which couldnt have looked attractive at script level even!

Overall – Dont even think of it!

Naksha – Beware of Vivek Oberoi in the jungle! He bored us first in Kaal, and now returns for another jungle-mein-mangle! Naksha is a directionless film that has no head nor tail nor any body in between!

Sadly, the concept is good. And one feels like screaming at the director for wasting an opportunity that could have been turned into a Dan Brown like slick thriller.

The story – We all know that in Mahabharat, Karan was born with the magical ‘kawach‘ and ‘kundal’ that gave him immense strength. The mythology tells us that during the Kuruskshetra war, Lord Indra (disguised as a brahman) had asked for the ‘kawach’ and ‘kundal’ as alms. This was done at the behest of Lord Krishna, in order to defeat Karan. After this, the epic is silent on the ‘kawach’ and ‘kundal’. What if Lord Indra buried these powerful object somewhere in the Himalayas? Well, the film is built on this premise wherein one archeologist is able to find the same, and prepares a map to reach the place. However, one evil person (Jackie in a horrible get up) gets to know of the same, and wants them as well. The archeologist prefers to suicide rather than give the map to Jackie.

Years later, the archeologist’s son (Vivek) learns of the map, and proceeds to get those objects, with Jackie again close on his heels. To help Vivek, there is his elder step-brother, Sunny Deol.

The story simply meanders precious reels in the jungle. And if the repartees between Sunny and Vivek were ‘comedy’ well, then the director needs to seriously watch some Hrishida films!

Our Bollywood heroes never know when to call it quits. But I had thought Sunny would have learnt from his father (Dharamendra acted in the most third-rate films in the eighties, romancing heroines like Amrita Singh and Dimple Kapadia, who were half his age. In fact, Dimple was having a allegedly having an affair with Sunny when Dharam acted opposite her!) Anyways, Sunny should take caution and remember that such inane roles dont suit his stature. I am sure there will be many writers/directors ready to provide him dignified roles that are commensurate with his age.

As for Sameera Reddy, well her role is the most wishy-washy and redundant. Perhaps, the director realised it, that’s why in the climax, she is just dropped off somewhere and forgotten as well. BTW, if Sameera’s acting career never takes off, she can try for WWE!

Overall – Go tickle your masochist streak and watch it!

I admit it is too early to really write a review on the music on which everyone seems to have an opinion. But before that, women’s health let’s face a few facts squarely in the face – it was an arduously tough act to compose songs for a subject whose previous version is still fresh in the minds of music listeners. More than merit for the older hit, it is the nostalgic wrapper that shines and glitters. It has reached a cult status, traumatologist where it is placed at a hallowed pedestal. One reality check that I wish to present – unlike Sholay or Don the movie, or its music, wasn’t such an earth shattering hit when released in the eighties. It is only over the years that the songs have acquired a ‘retro-hit’ status. So, this sudden urge by everyone to lambast against the newer version sounds funny – even from that generation. Even those who wouldn’t ordinarily listen to Khayyam’s ghazals from Muzaffar Ali’s classic have somehow turned up their nose against Anu Mallik’s efforts. A prime reason is that Mallik’s name itself evokes plentiful negative reactions. Even before the music was out, I had read vitriolic write ups on how could J P Dutta entrust Mallik with such a prestigious job. But obviously, Dutta has enough faith in his composer who gave two whopper (musical) hits with Border and Refugee. In my honest opinion, such reaction was totally unwarranted. Mallik might be obnoxious in his interviews, his many compositions lack any luster of many kind, but still the man has in him to turn up with music that might just be listenable. Another positive point in Dutta-Mallik’s favor is that they haven’t gone and remixed or re-arranged the old classic songs – a towering brownie point to the team, especially seen in the light of the absolutely bland re-mixes/re-designed score of Don.

However, let me make my stance clear – I am neither fond of, nor in favor of, old classics remade in newer format with newer stars. It is simply unappealing, especially when the older versions usually reached perfection (perceived or otherwise) in terms of performance and direction. But this once, I am ready to give Dutta-Mallik team a clean chit, for two reasons – one, I feel that their effort is more honest in re-creating rather than just cashing in on the older success.

The second, and bigger reason, is that I am not emotionally attached to the older Umrao Jaan. Sometime back, in one of the comments, I had mentioned that I am not too fond of that film’s music. The ghazals are good. But somehow, they haven’t had the same gushing effect on me as they should have – except for ‘Yeh kya jagah hai doston‘. Hence, I approached the newer one with a totally fresh mind.

Coming back to the music, as I said, it is a bit early to write a comprehensive review. I haven’t been able to invest the requisite time to listen to it carefully. Yet, when a score leaves a few snatches attached to your soul after the first couple of listenings, you know that it demands coming back to it. In that respect, Mallik’s Umrao Jaan is surely on the right trail. After the first hearing, and switching off the system, I remained floating in its melody and effect, though I couldn’t recall the exact tunes.

From the bunch of solos (all Alka Yagnik barring two), I found ‘Salaam…Tumhari mehfil mein aa gaye hain to kyun na yeh bhi kaam kar len‘ particularly mesmerizing. A very subtle rhythm that supports a hummable tune keeps the song afloat. Alka’s rendition doesn’t move too much away from her flat intonations, yet they somehow suit the composition. The same goes for the second best number ‘Tum jo paas aa gaye, hum jo sharma gaye‘. It’s hookline lies in the charming ‘Tum bhi pahle pahal, hum bhi pahale pahal‘ line, and a mouthful interlude of ‘shehnais‘ topped with a single sarangi strain. A third song that perked my ears and plucked my heart was ‘Mai na mil sakoon jo tumse, meri justjoo na karna’ – a haunting number with tight violins that uplift the song to a dream level. Finally, ‘Jhoote ilzaam tum lagaaya na karo‘ is the fourth interesting solo – a bit slow and lengthy, but overall melodious. There is only one duet, unfortunately it didn’t cut much ice with me – and Sonu Nigam has sadly ‘oversung’ it. Passion can sometimes be understated, and not sighing overtly into the mic!

‘Agle janam mein mohe bitiya na kijo’ – in two parts – are the only numbers where Alka steps away. The song (in both versions) is a touching lament by a girl who doesn’t want to be a re-born in the same gender. However, I am a bit surprised at such a song in this film – as far as I know of Muslim religion, they do not have any concept of ‘re-birth’, hence the song is conceptually an anomaly in a film dealing with Muslim characters. But coming from Javed Akhtar, I am sure he would have done some research before penning it.

Somewhere I feel the weakest link has been Javed Akhtar’s lyrics that just do not sear with the burning pain that was Umrao Jan Ada’s life. Though one can find many scattered ‘quotable’ examples, overall the poetry is not the kind that one can hug and sob inconsolably to wet the pillows in the night. For example, in ‘Jhoote ilzaam’ a statement like ‘dil hai nazuk, isse dukhaya na karo’ is too bland and direct, and more suited to Sameer/Himesh combo of songs than in a film that talks about a courtesan who was exceptional in her poetry.

I am quite impressed by Mallik’s arrangements – he hasn’t done any unnecessarily experimentations, nor kept the sound cacophonously contemporary. He sticks to the era that the songs were meant to be and introduces now-forgotten Indian instruments like saarangi, sitar and tabla in full measure. Now that’s an achievement. Whether the current generation appreciates this is a million dollar question! But then, like the older generation, maybe they will reject it now but once they grow up, it is precisely this sort of music that they will like to come back to. Perhaps, this version might outlast every other contemporary composition and be a retro hit as well!

Overall- A Good Buy

This place seriously needs an update!

😛

 

Jaane Hoga Kya – Now I wasnt expecting anything great from this long-in-the-making-released-hurriedly film. So, page what turned out was a pleasant surprise. And not because of its content. But for the inadvertant humor that the film provides. Ok, there so what’s it about? Cloning! Don’t choke on that coke, it is actually a film on human cloning. And how the directors (Glenn-Ankush) portray it is the best comedy released this year. As per this film, to make a clone there has to be two plastic covered ‘capsules’, connected to a computer. So, ‘data’ will move from one capsule to another, as heat rises, and out of steam a new human will be formed! Wow! That simple!

That’s how Aftab creates his own clone. But that’s not all. As soon as the new Aftab is formed, he leaves the capsule and *laugh laugh* heads for a dance bar to sing an item number with Maria Goretti. Some Bollywood pre-educated clone this was indeed! In fact, going by the number of songs that the clone gets to sing, he seems quite the ‘in-thing’! And other than the item number, this includes one roll-in-the-hay number with Preeti Jhangiani (who seems to have lost her voice and inhibitions permanently in this film).

Of course, the clone is not all that ‘good’, like the scientist. In fact, he turns out to be some ‘super-power’ monster with immense powers. Frankenstein, did some one say? Well, the scientist’s haalat is quite like that, but then the hero has to win in the end in movies!

Oh yes, in between all the songs and evil, there was a nice little twist in the end.

Overall – Watch it to laugh at it!

Aap Ki Khatir – Honestly, can some one tell Dharmesh Darshan to retire and spare us his tortures! Can someone tell Amisha Patel that making melancholic expressions doesnt construe acting! Can someone tell Sunil Shetty that joi-de-vivre is an inborn feeling; faking it never works! Can someone tell Lillette Dubey that she looked horrendous in this film spouting Anglicised Punjabi! Can someone tell…ok, I am sure you got what I want to convey.

This pain-some movie is old wine in older bottle. A soggy script with limp characters and a bland-as-London-weather scenario only worsens the viewer’s discomfort. In fact, the film ends up looking like a shoddy UK-produced small-budget fare.

I am quite surprised that Akshaye Khanna chose to do this film, which couldnt have looked attractive at script level even!

Overall – Dont even think of it!

Naksha – Beware of Vivek Oberoi in the jungle! He bored us first in Kaal, and now returns for another jungle-mein-mangle! Naksha is a directionless film that has no head nor tail nor any body in between!

Sadly, the concept is good. And one feels like screaming at the director for wasting an opportunity that could have been turned into a Dan Brown like slick thriller.

The story – We all know that in Mahabharat, Karan was born with the magical ‘kawach‘ and ‘kundal’ that gave him immense strength. The mythology tells us that during the Kuruskshetra war, Lord Indra (disguised as a brahman) had asked for the ‘kawach’ and ‘kundal’ as alms. This was done at the behest of Lord Krishna, in order to defeat Karan. After this, the epic is silent on the ‘kawach’ and ‘kundal’. What if Lord Indra buried these powerful object somewhere in the Himalayas? Well, the film is built on this premise wherein one archeologist is able to find the same, and prepares a map to reach the place. However, one evil person (Jackie in a horrible get up) gets to know of the same, and wants them as well. The archeologist prefers to suicide rather than give the map to Jackie.

Years later, the archeologist’s son (Vivek) learns of the map, and proceeds to get those objects, with Jackie again close on his heels. To help Vivek, there is his elder step-brother, Sunny Deol.

The story simply meanders precious reels in the jungle. And if the repartees between Sunny and Vivek were ‘comedy’ well, then the director needs to seriously watch some Hrishida films!

Our Bollywood heroes never know when to call it quits. But I had thought Sunny would have learnt from his father (Dharamendra acted in the most third-rate films in the eighties, romancing heroines like Amrita Singh and Dimple Kapadia, who were half his age. In fact, Dimple was having a allegedly having an affair with Sunny when Dharam acted opposite her!) Anyways, Sunny should take caution and remember that such inane roles dont suit his stature. I am sure there will be many writers/directors ready to provide him dignified roles that are commensurate with his age.

As for Sameera Reddy, well her role is the most wishy-washy and redundant. Perhaps, the director realised it, that’s why in the climax, she is just dropped off somewhere and forgotten as well. BTW, if Sameera’s acting career never takes off, she can try for WWE!

Overall – Go tickle your masochist streak and watch it!

I admit it is too early to really write a review on the music on which everyone seems to have an opinion. But before that, women’s health let’s face a few facts squarely in the face – it was an arduously tough act to compose songs for a subject whose previous version is still fresh in the minds of music listeners. More than merit for the older hit, it is the nostalgic wrapper that shines and glitters. It has reached a cult status, traumatologist where it is placed at a hallowed pedestal. One reality check that I wish to present – unlike Sholay or Don the movie, or its music, wasn’t such an earth shattering hit when released in the eighties. It is only over the years that the songs have acquired a ‘retro-hit’ status. So, this sudden urge by everyone to lambast against the newer version sounds funny – even from that generation. Even those who wouldn’t ordinarily listen to Khayyam’s ghazals from Muzaffar Ali’s classic have somehow turned up their nose against Anu Mallik’s efforts. A prime reason is that Mallik’s name itself evokes plentiful negative reactions. Even before the music was out, I had read vitriolic write ups on how could J P Dutta entrust Mallik with such a prestigious job. But obviously, Dutta has enough faith in his composer who gave two whopper (musical) hits with Border and Refugee. In my honest opinion, such reaction was totally unwarranted. Mallik might be obnoxious in his interviews, his many compositions lack any luster of many kind, but still the man has in him to turn up with music that might just be listenable. Another positive point in Dutta-Mallik’s favor is that they haven’t gone and remixed or re-arranged the old classic songs – a towering brownie point to the team, especially seen in the light of the absolutely bland re-mixes/re-designed score of Don.

However, let me make my stance clear – I am neither fond of, nor in favor of, old classics remade in newer format with newer stars. It is simply unappealing, especially when the older versions usually reached perfection (perceived or otherwise) in terms of performance and direction. But this once, I am ready to give Dutta-Mallik team a clean chit, for two reasons – one, I feel that their effort is more honest in re-creating rather than just cashing in on the older success.

The second, and bigger reason, is that I am not emotionally attached to the older Umrao Jaan. Sometime back, in one of the comments, I had mentioned that I am not too fond of that film’s music. The ghazals are good. But somehow, they haven’t had the same gushing effect on me as they should have – except for ‘Yeh kya jagah hai doston‘. Hence, I approached the newer one with a totally fresh mind.

Coming back to the music, as I said, it is a bit early to write a comprehensive review. I haven’t been able to invest the requisite time to listen to it carefully. Yet, when a score leaves a few snatches attached to your soul after the first couple of listenings, you know that it demands coming back to it. In that respect, Mallik’s Umrao Jaan is surely on the right trail. After the first hearing, and switching off the system, I remained floating in its melody and effect, though I couldn’t recall the exact tunes.

From the bunch of solos (all Alka Yagnik barring two), I found ‘Salaam…Tumhari mehfil mein aa gaye hain to kyun na yeh bhi kaam kar len‘ particularly mesmerizing. A very subtle rhythm that supports a hummable tune keeps the song afloat. Alka’s rendition doesn’t move too much away from her flat intonations, yet they somehow suit the composition. The same goes for the second best number ‘Tum jo paas aa gaye, hum jo sharma gaye‘. It’s hookline lies in the charming ‘Tum bhi pahle pahal, hum bhi pahale pahal‘ line, and a mouthful interlude of ‘shehnais‘ topped with a single sarangi strain. A third song that perked my ears and plucked my heart was ‘Mai na mil sakoon jo tumse, meri justjoo na karna’ – a haunting number with tight violins that uplift the song to a dream level. Finally, ‘Jhoote ilzaam tum lagaaya na karo‘ is the fourth interesting solo – a bit slow and lengthy, but overall melodious. There is only one duet, unfortunately it didn’t cut much ice with me – and Sonu Nigam has sadly ‘oversung’ it. Passion can sometimes be understated, and not sighing overtly into the mic!

‘Agle janam mein mohe bitiya na kijo’ – in two parts – are the only numbers where Alka steps away. The song (in both versions) is a touching lament by a girl who doesn’t want to be a re-born in the same gender. However, I am a bit surprised at such a song in this film – as far as I know of Muslim religion, they do not have any concept of ‘re-birth’, hence the song is conceptually an anomaly in a film dealing with Muslim characters. But coming from Javed Akhtar, I am sure he would have done some research before penning it.

Somewhere I feel the weakest link has been Javed Akhtar’s lyrics that just do not sear with the burning pain that was Umrao Jan Ada’s life. Though one can find many scattered ‘quotable’ examples, overall the poetry is not the kind that one can hug and sob inconsolably to wet the pillows in the night. For example, in ‘Jhoote ilzaam’ a statement like ‘dil hai nazuk, isse dukhaya na karo’ is too bland and direct, and more suited to Sameer/Himesh combo of songs than in a film that talks about a courtesan who was exceptional in her poetry.

I am quite impressed by Mallik’s arrangements – he hasn’t done any unnecessarily experimentations, nor kept the sound cacophonously contemporary. He sticks to the era that the songs were meant to be and introduces now-forgotten Indian instruments like saarangi, sitar and tabla in full measure. Now that’s an achievement. Whether the current generation appreciates this is a million dollar question! But then, like the older generation, maybe they will reject it now but once they grow up, it is precisely this sort of music that they will like to come back to. Perhaps, this version might outlast every other contemporary composition and be a retro hit as well!

Overall- A Good Buy

I know an update on Random Expressions is long overdue; I have received subtle suggestions, information pills friendly reminders and even dire threats, buy more about which all proved the love and affection for this space. Thanks to everyone. And because of you all, just writing in to say I am fine, and alive – and so is this blog!

Needless to say, the past month has been tediously hectic – including, visits to far off places like Mainpuri, Bhongaon and Bewar and also a few more trips on that horrifying Agra-Aligarh stretch. But more than that it was an urge to prove something to superiors and get the sales figures correct that sort of doused the innate craving to write. So I kept focussed on the work, getting the act right and streamlining the processes as much as I could. Sadly, the end result was not all that encouraging – neither did the figures really shine, nor did this blog get any input. In short, a total failure!

In between, my speaker-set also conked off. Million complaints later, the service center of the obscure Korean brand agreed to rectify the same at home, obviously free of cost since it was well within the warranty period. The fault? Violently fluctuating voltage here – there, I add one more negative item from this city! The consequence? Lightened the wallet to purchase a voltage stabilizer.

Winters are lingering in, though the temperatures dropped precariously low for a couple of days in-between, but now they have clamboured upward. Another addition at home was a much-needed geyser.

Movie-watching and television-viewing were the only stable past-times. I havent yet entered any cinema hall here (waitng for Fun Cinemas to open up), but have put good use to the DVD player. The last few that I caught were the ominous Darna Zaroori Hai, the taut Deadline and the tastelessly dull Umrao Jaan! Television surfing has been massive, and I have to sheepishly admit I got hooked on to several programmes that I wouldnt have ordinarily watched. For example, Big Bosss! The shenanginans of drama-queen Rakhi Sawant and the antics of super-bitch Kashmira Shah kept the hands off the remote control.

The second programme I caught was Nach Baliye-2 – and the reason to get hooked to it was the extremely superb and scintillating performance by Manav and Shweta in that gold-outfit. They bettered it next week with the ‘bamboo dance’ – and I was sure that this pair could win. Sadly, Sweta let herself and us down with a limpid show of the mujra, though Manav more than made it up with his energetic ‘Mai deewana’ number. Still, personally I feel that combined they were far ahead of others in terms of grace, movement, choice and to top it all an endearing sang-froid and a thankful lack of melodrama or tears! Compare this with the eternal crybaby of tv, the other lady whose name I forget now (better known as Prerna of Kasautii Zindagii Kay), you will know what I mean. Their ousting section was the most tedious part of the entire show!

Of course cricket and bollywood both fed enough fodder for all news channels : the shameful South African tour debacle from the former and Sanjay Dutt , Aishwarya and Abhishek amongst the latter. So much so, that I can puke at the mere mention of the last two!

Beyond all this, there is really not much to write. So I will end here – with the same promise to be back soon, and definitely sooner than last time!  

 
This place seriously needs an update!

😛

 

Jaane Hoga Kya – Now I wasnt expecting anything great from this long-in-the-making-released-hurriedly film. So, page what turned out was a pleasant surprise. And not because of its content. But for the inadvertant humor that the film provides. Ok, there so what’s it about? Cloning! Don’t choke on that coke, it is actually a film on human cloning. And how the directors (Glenn-Ankush) portray it is the best comedy released this year. As per this film, to make a clone there has to be two plastic covered ‘capsules’, connected to a computer. So, ‘data’ will move from one capsule to another, as heat rises, and out of steam a new human will be formed! Wow! That simple!

That’s how Aftab creates his own clone. But that’s not all. As soon as the new Aftab is formed, he leaves the capsule and *laugh laugh* heads for a dance bar to sing an item number with Maria Goretti. Some Bollywood pre-educated clone this was indeed! In fact, going by the number of songs that the clone gets to sing, he seems quite the ‘in-thing’! And other than the item number, this includes one roll-in-the-hay number with Preeti Jhangiani (who seems to have lost her voice and inhibitions permanently in this film).

Of course, the clone is not all that ‘good’, like the scientist. In fact, he turns out to be some ‘super-power’ monster with immense powers. Frankenstein, did some one say? Well, the scientist’s haalat is quite like that, but then the hero has to win in the end in movies!

Oh yes, in between all the songs and evil, there was a nice little twist in the end.

Overall – Watch it to laugh at it!

Aap Ki Khatir – Honestly, can some one tell Dharmesh Darshan to retire and spare us his tortures! Can someone tell Amisha Patel that making melancholic expressions doesnt construe acting! Can someone tell Sunil Shetty that joi-de-vivre is an inborn feeling; faking it never works! Can someone tell Lillette Dubey that she looked horrendous in this film spouting Anglicised Punjabi! Can someone tell…ok, I am sure you got what I want to convey.

This pain-some movie is old wine in older bottle. A soggy script with limp characters and a bland-as-London-weather scenario only worsens the viewer’s discomfort. In fact, the film ends up looking like a shoddy UK-produced small-budget fare.

I am quite surprised that Akshaye Khanna chose to do this film, which couldnt have looked attractive at script level even!

Overall – Dont even think of it!

Naksha – Beware of Vivek Oberoi in the jungle! He bored us first in Kaal, and now returns for another jungle-mein-mangle! Naksha is a directionless film that has no head nor tail nor any body in between!

Sadly, the concept is good. And one feels like screaming at the director for wasting an opportunity that could have been turned into a Dan Brown like slick thriller.

The story – We all know that in Mahabharat, Karan was born with the magical ‘kawach‘ and ‘kundal’ that gave him immense strength. The mythology tells us that during the Kuruskshetra war, Lord Indra (disguised as a brahman) had asked for the ‘kawach’ and ‘kundal’ as alms. This was done at the behest of Lord Krishna, in order to defeat Karan. After this, the epic is silent on the ‘kawach’ and ‘kundal’. What if Lord Indra buried these powerful object somewhere in the Himalayas? Well, the film is built on this premise wherein one archeologist is able to find the same, and prepares a map to reach the place. However, one evil person (Jackie in a horrible get up) gets to know of the same, and wants them as well. The archeologist prefers to suicide rather than give the map to Jackie.

Years later, the archeologist’s son (Vivek) learns of the map, and proceeds to get those objects, with Jackie again close on his heels. To help Vivek, there is his elder step-brother, Sunny Deol.

The story simply meanders precious reels in the jungle. And if the repartees between Sunny and Vivek were ‘comedy’ well, then the director needs to seriously watch some Hrishida films!

Our Bollywood heroes never know when to call it quits. But I had thought Sunny would have learnt from his father (Dharamendra acted in the most third-rate films in the eighties, romancing heroines like Amrita Singh and Dimple Kapadia, who were half his age. In fact, Dimple was having a allegedly having an affair with Sunny when Dharam acted opposite her!) Anyways, Sunny should take caution and remember that such inane roles dont suit his stature. I am sure there will be many writers/directors ready to provide him dignified roles that are commensurate with his age.

As for Sameera Reddy, well her role is the most wishy-washy and redundant. Perhaps, the director realised it, that’s why in the climax, she is just dropped off somewhere and forgotten as well. BTW, if Sameera’s acting career never takes off, she can try for WWE!

Overall – Go tickle your masochist streak and watch it!

I admit it is too early to really write a review on the music on which everyone seems to have an opinion. But before that, women’s health let’s face a few facts squarely in the face – it was an arduously tough act to compose songs for a subject whose previous version is still fresh in the minds of music listeners. More than merit for the older hit, it is the nostalgic wrapper that shines and glitters. It has reached a cult status, traumatologist where it is placed at a hallowed pedestal. One reality check that I wish to present – unlike Sholay or Don the movie, or its music, wasn’t such an earth shattering hit when released in the eighties. It is only over the years that the songs have acquired a ‘retro-hit’ status. So, this sudden urge by everyone to lambast against the newer version sounds funny – even from that generation. Even those who wouldn’t ordinarily listen to Khayyam’s ghazals from Muzaffar Ali’s classic have somehow turned up their nose against Anu Mallik’s efforts. A prime reason is that Mallik’s name itself evokes plentiful negative reactions. Even before the music was out, I had read vitriolic write ups on how could J P Dutta entrust Mallik with such a prestigious job. But obviously, Dutta has enough faith in his composer who gave two whopper (musical) hits with Border and Refugee. In my honest opinion, such reaction was totally unwarranted. Mallik might be obnoxious in his interviews, his many compositions lack any luster of many kind, but still the man has in him to turn up with music that might just be listenable. Another positive point in Dutta-Mallik’s favor is that they haven’t gone and remixed or re-arranged the old classic songs – a towering brownie point to the team, especially seen in the light of the absolutely bland re-mixes/re-designed score of Don.

However, let me make my stance clear – I am neither fond of, nor in favor of, old classics remade in newer format with newer stars. It is simply unappealing, especially when the older versions usually reached perfection (perceived or otherwise) in terms of performance and direction. But this once, I am ready to give Dutta-Mallik team a clean chit, for two reasons – one, I feel that their effort is more honest in re-creating rather than just cashing in on the older success.

The second, and bigger reason, is that I am not emotionally attached to the older Umrao Jaan. Sometime back, in one of the comments, I had mentioned that I am not too fond of that film’s music. The ghazals are good. But somehow, they haven’t had the same gushing effect on me as they should have – except for ‘Yeh kya jagah hai doston‘. Hence, I approached the newer one with a totally fresh mind.

Coming back to the music, as I said, it is a bit early to write a comprehensive review. I haven’t been able to invest the requisite time to listen to it carefully. Yet, when a score leaves a few snatches attached to your soul after the first couple of listenings, you know that it demands coming back to it. In that respect, Mallik’s Umrao Jaan is surely on the right trail. After the first hearing, and switching off the system, I remained floating in its melody and effect, though I couldn’t recall the exact tunes.

From the bunch of solos (all Alka Yagnik barring two), I found ‘Salaam…Tumhari mehfil mein aa gaye hain to kyun na yeh bhi kaam kar len‘ particularly mesmerizing. A very subtle rhythm that supports a hummable tune keeps the song afloat. Alka’s rendition doesn’t move too much away from her flat intonations, yet they somehow suit the composition. The same goes for the second best number ‘Tum jo paas aa gaye, hum jo sharma gaye‘. It’s hookline lies in the charming ‘Tum bhi pahle pahal, hum bhi pahale pahal‘ line, and a mouthful interlude of ‘shehnais‘ topped with a single sarangi strain. A third song that perked my ears and plucked my heart was ‘Mai na mil sakoon jo tumse, meri justjoo na karna’ – a haunting number with tight violins that uplift the song to a dream level. Finally, ‘Jhoote ilzaam tum lagaaya na karo‘ is the fourth interesting solo – a bit slow and lengthy, but overall melodious. There is only one duet, unfortunately it didn’t cut much ice with me – and Sonu Nigam has sadly ‘oversung’ it. Passion can sometimes be understated, and not sighing overtly into the mic!

‘Agle janam mein mohe bitiya na kijo’ – in two parts – are the only numbers where Alka steps away. The song (in both versions) is a touching lament by a girl who doesn’t want to be a re-born in the same gender. However, I am a bit surprised at such a song in this film – as far as I know of Muslim religion, they do not have any concept of ‘re-birth’, hence the song is conceptually an anomaly in a film dealing with Muslim characters. But coming from Javed Akhtar, I am sure he would have done some research before penning it.

Somewhere I feel the weakest link has been Javed Akhtar’s lyrics that just do not sear with the burning pain that was Umrao Jan Ada’s life. Though one can find many scattered ‘quotable’ examples, overall the poetry is not the kind that one can hug and sob inconsolably to wet the pillows in the night. For example, in ‘Jhoote ilzaam’ a statement like ‘dil hai nazuk, isse dukhaya na karo’ is too bland and direct, and more suited to Sameer/Himesh combo of songs than in a film that talks about a courtesan who was exceptional in her poetry.

I am quite impressed by Mallik’s arrangements – he hasn’t done any unnecessarily experimentations, nor kept the sound cacophonously contemporary. He sticks to the era that the songs were meant to be and introduces now-forgotten Indian instruments like saarangi, sitar and tabla in full measure. Now that’s an achievement. Whether the current generation appreciates this is a million dollar question! But then, like the older generation, maybe they will reject it now but once they grow up, it is precisely this sort of music that they will like to come back to. Perhaps, this version might outlast every other contemporary composition and be a retro hit as well!

Overall- A Good Buy

I know an update on Random Expressions is long overdue; I have received subtle suggestions, information pills friendly reminders and even dire threats, buy more about which all proved the love and affection for this space. Thanks to everyone. And because of you all, just writing in to say I am fine, and alive – and so is this blog!

Needless to say, the past month has been tediously hectic – including, visits to far off places like Mainpuri, Bhongaon and Bewar and also a few more trips on that horrifying Agra-Aligarh stretch. But more than that it was an urge to prove something to superiors and get the sales figures correct that sort of doused the innate craving to write. So I kept focussed on the work, getting the act right and streamlining the processes as much as I could. Sadly, the end result was not all that encouraging – neither did the figures really shine, nor did this blog get any input. In short, a total failure!

In between, my speaker-set also conked off. Million complaints later, the service center of the obscure Korean brand agreed to rectify the same at home, obviously free of cost since it was well within the warranty period. The fault? Violently fluctuating voltage here – there, I add one more negative item from this city! The consequence? Lightened the wallet to purchase a voltage stabilizer.

Winters are lingering in, though the temperatures dropped precariously low for a couple of days in-between, but now they have clamboured upward. Another addition at home was a much-needed geyser.

Movie-watching and television-viewing were the only stable past-times. I havent yet entered any cinema hall here (waitng for Fun Cinemas to open up), but have put good use to the DVD player. The last few that I caught were the ominous Darna Zaroori Hai, the taut Deadline and the tastelessly dull Umrao Jaan! Television surfing has been massive, and I have to sheepishly admit I got hooked on to several programmes that I wouldnt have ordinarily watched. For example, Big Bosss! The shenanginans of drama-queen Rakhi Sawant and the antics of super-bitch Kashmira Shah kept the hands off the remote control.

The second programme I caught was Nach Baliye-2 – and the reason to get hooked to it was the extremely superb and scintillating performance by Manav and Shweta in that gold-outfit. They bettered it next week with the ‘bamboo dance’ – and I was sure that this pair could win. Sadly, Sweta let herself and us down with a limpid show of the mujra, though Manav more than made it up with his energetic ‘Mai deewana’ number. Still, personally I feel that combined they were far ahead of others in terms of grace, movement, choice and to top it all an endearing sang-froid and a thankful lack of melodrama or tears! Compare this with the eternal crybaby of tv, the other lady whose name I forget now (better known as Prerna of Kasautii Zindagii Kay), you will know what I mean. Their ousting section was the most tedious part of the entire show!

Of course cricket and bollywood both fed enough fodder for all news channels : the shameful South African tour debacle from the former and Sanjay Dutt , Aishwarya and Abhishek amongst the latter. So much so, that I can puke at the mere mention of the last two!

Beyond all this, there is really not much to write. So I will end here – with the same promise to be back soon, and definitely sooner than last time!  

 

There is a common English saying – “There are no free lunches in this world!” But I realized that there could be some free dinners sometimes!

It all started on Saturday. At office, this site we decided to try out the new Pizza Hut menu. The alluring leaflets, adiposity with discount coupons, search dropped at my place were added incentive.

However, what started off as a routine ‘order placement’ call, some five minutes later,metamorphosised into a full-fledged verbal duel. The reason being – their adamant refusal at delivering to our office, as it was beyond their ‘service area of four kilometers’. Now Pizza Hut outlet is very near my place so I was hundred percent sure that our office falls within their stipulated four kilometer radius; 3.8 kms, to be very precise- or probably lesser, as the outlet is some 500-700 meters away from my home.In any case, I argued, even if it wasnt within four kms, there is no reason why they cannot still service a kilometer or two extra, if the client is willing not to be bound by their time-frame clause. It’s not as if there is a ‘laxman rekha’ beyond which if Pizza Hut scooters cross, they’d be abducted by some horrifiying Ravans! But all my arguments fell on deaf ears. When the person on the other end (the shift manager) stopped harping on the four-kilometer clause, he started to give wishy washy arguments on how the area where we were didnt fall within ‘serviceable’ limit. Now, I really blew my fuse. Agreed, we fall within that area, but our office – a landmark on its own – is right at the edge, on the main road, and accessible through wide open roads (as wide as they can be in Agra!).

The heat in the arguments from both ends rose to a palpable limit, with lots of strong words deployed, till the time I banged the phone down, in anger and disgust. In the same stroke, I went to Pizza Hut’s website and registered a complaint, mentally swearing off Pizza Hut for lifetime (though, honestly, my stomach and taste buds grumbled their protests – I really like their pizzas, however un-Italian they be!)

Two hours later, when I was quite cooled down, and had been satiated with a heavy lunch from their rival Dominoe’s Pizza, I received a call from Pizza Hut. It was their Asst. Manager – and in a meek voice he apologized for all that had happened. We spoke for some twenty minutes, in which he must have used the word ‘sorry’ some twenty thousand times. He offered to rectify the error and send the order away immediately. But I politely declined, as I was already full – and moreover, on my way to Delhi. He also requested me to visit their outlet sometime, and I vaguely agreed.

I had totally forgotten about the incident by the time I returned from my short but extremely relaxing weekend. Amidst a pile load of work, I received yet another call from Pizza Hut – this time, from their Manager. Once again, there were several rounds of apologies and he insisted that I visit their outlet – anytime convenient. Since he was quite pressing, and since I like Pizza Hut pizzas, and since I live alone and don’t mind a dinner out sometimes, I agreed!

At the designated hour, I reached their outlet. From the moment I entered their restaurant till the time I left, it was an evening befitting a royalty. The manager was there to apologise ( we had a drink together), the shift manager (with whom I had the argument) did the same, and the waiters were all on call at the slightest turn of my head! After a delightful meal (their new Indian Menu is simply outstanding!), when I asked for the bill, they refused the same. ‘It’s complimentary from our side!’ they gushed.

Whether it was the slight intoxication of the smooth Forster, or the luxury of having being served with such impeccable finesse, or the sheer respect for someone who has apologized enough ( I am in sales, and have met enough rude customers to know!), or the effect of the aroma-rich, tasteful food, whatever it was at that time I was ready to do anything they asked for – and that was (as the shift manager meekly, hesitatingly and fearfully requested for) a mail to state that I had enjoyed the evening (which I understood was an euphemism to say that I no longer bore a grudge against them).

I am not entirely unfamiliar with the service standards offered by various organisations. But after yesterday, Pizza Hut’s service quality stands heads and shoulders above many of the bests! To say I am impressed with their service is an understatement! It is way beyond that. And now I have resolved to always be their loyal customer (and my stomach and taste buds gurgle in delight!)

Next Update: December 07th, 2006 at 1800 Hrs IST titled “Eight”

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 5th, 2006 at 3:47 pm and is filed under Restaurant and Bars. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.