Of Faux Pas & Tight Spots

I have been through several such moments;  in fact, they keep recurring at alarming regularity, right from my childhood. One incident I recall from my school days is when our biology teacher was giving a lecture on vitamins and minerals and their importance on our health. To her question on naming some sources of food having multiple vitamins, several hands were raised, including mine. She chose me. With all sincerity and seriousness I answered – guess what? – Complan!; seeing her dropped jaws, and that incredulous look, and hearing the classmates’ suppressed giggles, I knew I had goofed up big time. My ears reddened, and they continue to be so whenever I think of this incident.

In school yet again, in a Hindi essay, I had used the Punjabi word chitti (white) instead of the correct one safed. The loud red circle on the word is still etched sharply in my memory’s notebook.

I have been in such jobs where I have to take double precautions where protocols are concerned I am forever on my toes lest I stamp on some raw egoes.

Perhaps for us ‘the common people’ these moments would not account to much, beyond a few embarrassing memories, but when the people in power or position make such errors, it can have huge repercussions, (though sometimes pretty amusing too). We know of Mr. Bush calling the English Queen being a century old, or some such thing. And when one senior Indian actor called Nepal as being ‘once part of India’ it created quite a furore in the Himalayan nation.

So what’s been your biggest faux pas?

And then there are tight spots where squeezing out seems an impossible proposition. Or, a situation that makes you uncomfortable but can do nothing about it. One February Saturday evening, while in Nepal, I was in this very high-profile meeting. Two senior government officials and I were discussing a business deal at Kathmandu’s well known Annapurna Hotel. We had ordered coffee and pakoras. I forwarded some solid points about our company with full enthusiasm, my voice in a taut pitch, and hands flying wild in emphasizing gesticulation. As I finished one more important argument, I tapped the table with force and with a flourish, picked up a piece of pakora and placed it in my mouth to round off my point with some flourish. Immediately, I realised my folly and felt a fire burning within, literally. I had eaten a green chilli pakora; and could feel smoke coming out of my ears (the kind that happens in cartoons)! The two eyed my reddened face amusedly.

But all I could do, is offer a wan smile, and as quickly as possible, gulp a glass of chilled water.

Or there are tight spots when your memory suddenly decides to go for a quick stroll. In fact, this is a common occurrence since I usually either remember the name and not its face, or (and worse), I recognize the face but forget the name totally.

Once, a colleague from another department rushed up to my seat with an enthusiastic smile and an eager hello. My heart sank into my worn Mochi shoes. As it lay frozen there, I shook my numb (and dumb) brain into action. But zilch. Zero. Cipher. Like a stubborn ass, it drove into the ground hole  and I could have wholly & happily joined the two italicized words to describe myself. I mumbled some inane small talk (So how come here today? Thankfully, not to meet me. What’s new? Alas, nothing that gave away who she was. All well? Yeah, for her. But not for me!); after a few more seconds of ‘ummm’ and ‘err.s’ I squeezed out by making some silly excuse (albeit with an earnest face). A while later, I pulled another colleague to a corner to obtain the correct information! Phew! Finally, a while later, I cornered the colleague and had a more meaningful dialogue.

Mostly, in such situations, one has to think not on his feet, but ‘from his feet’ and allow them to take you as far as they can, if possible. But I guess, it’s these somewhat small and silly but often amusing memories that keeps one ticking.